Breast Cancer... What?!...You Can Beat It!

Hi there,

In honor of October being Breast Cancer Awareness month, I am going to veer off my usual topic and talk about my cancer and being a survivor and why in the heck I designed this necklace.

First of all, I try to never think about having breast cancer. ( I am afraid to jinx myself and have it come back - I know...crazy huh?).  I was watching Parenthood on Thursday. (I love that show but couldn't watch it last year when Christina was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was too soon for me. My friend Ellen was kind enough to keep me updated - thanks Ellen!)
 On the show the other night when Christina said that she wasn't "cured", and that the doctors don't say that until you survive 5 years cancer free, it really made an impression on me. I realize that I am only two years in and still have three more to go.

Wow. BUT I CAN DO IT!

It already seems like a lifetime. Three more years, holy crap! Let me tell you, for a girl who is not afraid of much, the thought of having it return terrifies me.
No matter what anyone says, cancer treatment sucks!
You know you are deliberately poisoning yourself in order to survive. What sane person does that? Yet you keep on going to chemotherapy because the will to survive is stronger that anything. You do it for yourself, your kids.. whatever. You learn what you are made of, that's for sure.

www.abitofecletic.etsy.com

I was lucky enough to have a great support group. I had a great friend who went with me to every treatment and even made it, well I don't know bearable, memorable, ?fun?. How about that? (Thanks Jackie - couldn't have done it without you).  We even designed special wine charms for the occasion. 

Even now, as I write this, the thought of those treatments is enough to cause me to have a meltdown. 

There were the girls at work that were so supportive, ( you know who you are - hint, hint, 6th grade team & MJL & EH), making sure I got out of the house,  that the bills were paid, and that we had stuff to eat.  (I love you guys for that!) Not to mention, my two friends that were with me through the surgeries and doctor visits, holding my hand and keeping me upright-Chris & Teesi, this one's for you!

I have to mention my sister Laura too, while I am going on and on..  She has become my biggest cheerleader and supporter. As much as it sucked, cancer brought us closer together than I ever thought possible and my day is a little more lonely when we don't talk at least once.
And don't think I forgot, but I need to really thank the two greatest kids in the world! I would not have made it through this without their never ending love and support! I love you boys!

This all brings me to my point, however. (Whew...you are probably thinking.)   While at chemotherapy, we saw so many women, who had no support system and were going through this terrible ordeal all by themselves. I can't even imagine. It is hard enough to lose your hair, be sick all the time, have terrible reactions to the medication, have to take more medication to counteract those side effects, and become a ghost of your former self, but to do that and be all alone? 

So I designed the "Because You're Beautiful" necklace in honor of every woman who is going through or had to go through this treatment. It is a way for YOU to show your friend or loved one, that SHE is beautiful to you, no matter what.  When you have no hair, and you are looking pretty pale, sometimes the only way to feel attractive is to put on a great piece of jewelry when you have to go out. I understand this better than most. 
This necklace comes with a card for your friend and a matching bracelet for you. 
Even if you don't know anyone going through cancer treatment - get one and take it to your local treatment center and brighten some one's day!

Wow, you might think. What a bitch...using this as a shameless plug. Well, not really. I am donating 10% of the profits from the sale of this necklace to the Look Good Feel Better program. If you are not familiar with this it is an organization that holds group workshops that teach beauty techniques to female cancer patients. These workshops help women minimize the appearance-related side effects of cancer treatment.
They state on their website that "Cancer can rob a woman of her energy, appetite and strength. But it doesn’t have to take away her self-confidence." I couldn't agree more! My friend Kelly told me the other night, that "I handled the treatment like a champ and that if she didn't know it, she would never have guessed what I was going through" My God is she kind or what?  I decided to live my life as best as I could, while vowing that this disease would not break me!  I was able to do this because, well..,I am a pretty strong lady, but also because of what I learned at this class.
So if you are interested, you can get more information on the "Because You're Beautiful" necklace at www.designedinstone,etsy.com

If you have a survivor support story to tell, I would love to hear it. If you are going through treatment, YOU CAN DO IT!

Hang in there and remember, YOU can do anything,
Deborah E 

***I also want to give a "shout out" to the good people at DAKOTA STONES who were kind enough to choose me as their designer of the month for October and ask me to create something for Breast Cancer Awareness and provided me with a sample of stones that I turned into the friendship bracelet! 

5 Fall Fashion Styles..YOU Can Actually Wear (& Afford)

Hi Everyone,

It's that time. Fall is in the air, leaves are changing and the runways of New York and Paris are full of half-starved models wearing things you couldn't possibly fit your big toe into, not to mention cost as much as your house payment.  believe me, I get it. So I am here to help you put your best fashion foot forward this fall in styles you can both actually wear and afford!

So let's get ready to be fashionable...

1. American Pastoral

Marc Jacobs

 Fall is making a move back towards nature. In cozy knits, high boots, fur-trimmed outerwear and tweeds, this fall 2013 trend is not only comfortable but easy to pull off.                                                                             However....while we LOVE Marc Jacobs, most of us are going to wear pants with this look. (Please, please wear some pants). You can pair a plain dark cable knit sweater, like the one pictured, with your animal print (yes always a classic look if used sparingly), or with a houndstooth trouser or scarf . Both of these are available right now at Kohl's, and are both on sale. (Scarf - Croft & Barrow Cashmere under $20 and Apt 9 Trouser under $30). So there you go. YOU look great, didn't have to spend a lot of dough, and... you are wearing pants!

2. Color Blocking

Rag & Bone

This is a great trend..and one I love! (As long as you don't practice this with your hair or make-up). Also, here's the GOOD NEWS..it is a carry over from spring/summer. So you are already halfway there! According to Harper's BAZAAR, "Colors are made to be mixed, and for the coming season that means layers of hues that are just a touch off or black, white, camel and navy styled graphically. So take that great orange, purple, or 

Any one of these tops or jackets can be paired with last weeks' trousers!
( See "Yoga Pants" blog)

blue, and pair them with black pants and a sweater, or with a camel top or bottom, depending on the piece. Or shop TARGET for a great B&W look or Phillip Lim black and white accent piece at an affordable price to achieve this look.

So there you go. You look great and  I saved you from wearing a really boring ALL black look.

3. Statement Jewelry  
This is VERY important ladies.... A great piece of jewelry provides a clear focal point that accentuates the beauty, and overall balance, of an outfit! 

Designed In Stone

 REAL stone jewelry 

at affordable prices!

 www.designedinstone.etsy.com

With the fashion trends for fall 2013 indulging in everything from Gothic romance to punk, minimalism to opulent regality, there’s plenty of room for jewelry that speaks volumes. As the runways showed, one of those growing trends is the the choker necklace, now in new and exciting forms. Think REAL, big chunky stones, metal 

spikes, and bright bold colors. A great piece of jewelry will leave you looking "finished". My motto is " No more naked necks". Learn it, chant it, LIVE IT!

4. Sleepwear as Daywear

Now we are not talking terry cloth here or your flannel bottoms with the hole in the butt, but more like satiny fabrics take your look to a more sophisticated level. If you are going to do this look, you should never leave the house with bed hair and looking like you literally rolled out of bed and were too lazy to get dressed. Just use this photo as a guide of a way to NOT wear this look.
Now, Mr Armani knows how to do the "Sleepwear" look, with this velvet pant paired with a sparkly top.

Giorgio Armani/The Row

As does The Row, but your budget probably is not theirs, so I have a couple affordable option for you! First of all, break up the look by pairing a fluid piece with something more structured, especially for day. A silky pajama-style shirt or blazer will look sharp with a pencil skirt or slim trousers. Try a pair of subdued pants for work. Pair them with a blouse and blazer.  - Think the "pastoral look"mentioned above.

Floral Jacket $40;zara.com & Joe Fresh Pant $29;joefresh.com

5.  A Really Great Jacket

A lot of notice will be given this fall to your once under looked coat.  This means if you are usually mistake for the Goodyear tire guy, even though he is cute, while wearing your faded  down coat, it is time to trade it in. And for those of you,who think you have been being thrifty by wearing the same coat for the last 20 years, thrifty is no longer the term we use to describe you. (Hint, hint..think cheap, unfashionable, threadbare...need I go on. Really).

The plain fall/winter has suddenly been revamped and has been roaring down the runways from New York to   Paris in versions beaded, zippered, embellished, and richly plush. 

While these are beautiful, many of us aren't celebrities, (I love ya, but really your probably not), or don't have $$$$$ just laying around the house, Kohl's has a great selection of great coats this year!

Most for under $200!

Follow these 5 tips and you too will sail into fall in style!

Whew! With all of this fashion advice, I find that I must replenish myself with a good glass of wine....then off to GO SHOPPING!

Until next time,

Deborah E

****October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. In honor of that and as a breast cancer survivor, I have designed  a special necklace. During the month of October, Designed In Stone will feature the "Because YOU'RE  Beautiful" necklace.  It is a one of a kind piece for the survivor in your life with a special pink Riverstone bracelet just for you. (Photos and more info coming soon!)

**I would love to hear your story of the "beautiful survivor" in your life, and if I use your story in my blog during the month of October, I will send both of you a matching pink Riverstone bracelet. Hope to hear from you soon.

Yoga Pants, Really....Have You Looked In The Mirror?

Hi Everyone,

It is time again to talk about one of my fashion "dont's" - Yoga Pants.

While I know this topic might upset many of you because you are guilty of this fashion faux pas,  don't worry,  I am here to help you out!

The thing with yoga pants is this: if you are over the age of 21 or 200 lbs, these should not be a fashion staple in YOUR wardrobe. Hello... YOGA PANTS AREN'T FOR YOU!


Here's the thing - tighter doesn't always = thinner!! If you have more peaks and valleys than the Alps or more rolls than a bakery, yoga pants are not a good idea. (Unless you are doing Yoga, of course). And in case you didn't know it, you could be inflicting great  psychological damage on your family and friends who are too afraid to tell you and have to live with the visual.

FYI. The material in these pants is thin. Thinner than leggings or trousers. This is to wick away the sweat when you are exercising or doing yoga.

My sister and her boyfriend where in the grocery store a short time ago and got stuck in the vegetable aisle behind a women in these pants. The material was stretched so thin, that her butt was shining through like two glowing moons. Well, the rest of us don't want to see your "moons", cracks or craters...or whatever. And we DON'T want our significant other to see them either!  ( You really should know  that while you think you are all that with your ass shining out, we think you look like a hooker and not a very attractive one!)

You might think to your self, while donning your pants, "Wow, I look great and thin." Well, I am here to tell you a hard truth, you don't look all that great. You look sloppy and like it was to much effort to spend a little time and thought on your appearance.  As for the thin thing...really. Take a look in the mirror. A good look. All the way around. 
( I know these are tough economical times, but we should all have at least one mirror.)

You may be sitting there thinking "What do I do now, I have all these yoga pants", or "Wow, she sure is a bitch", well whatever, I am here to help. If you have a lot of yoga pants...TAKE UP YOGA!  Wear them there.
In the meantime, I have done some research for you, ( Thank you me), and have found the perfect pair of pants. Target has these great Merona Women's Tailored trousers. (Some are even on sale right now!)
They are affordable, in a great variety of styles and fits, and even come in great colors and patterns. Also, these trousers have some SPANDEX in them, so as to satisfy your need for stretch.

They fit great and can be dressed up or down. You can wear them with a beautiful girly shirt for evening or with a tee for running errands! The best way to finish off your look is with the versatile and affordable necklaces from Designed In Stone. ( www.etsy.com/shop/designedinstone ) The magnesite pendants have been deliberately designed to be worn

dressed up or down. If a choker is more your style check out my 3 strand multi-colored magnesite one. It it truly one of a kind and the colors are spectacular. Especially for fall!

So there you go ladies. I hope I have helped you out with this weeks fashion styling tip. You can look great at any size without spending a lot of money! And remember...don't give your family and friends psychological trauma  and stop showing your "moons". Buy some trousers and a great piece of jewelry from Designed In Stone, and impress your friends with your new sense of style!

Until next time,

Deborah E

****October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. In honor of that and as a breast cancer survivor, I have designed  a special necklace. During the month of October, Designed In Stone will feature the "Because YOU'RE  Beautiful" necklace.  It is a one of a kind piece for the survivor in your life with a special pink Riverstone bracelet just for you. (Photos and more info coming soon!)

**I would love to hear your story of the "beautiful survivor" in your life, and if I use your story in my blog during the month of October, I will send both of you a matching pink Riverstone bracelet. Hope to hear from you soon.

So Many Naked Necks ......So Little Time (Sigh)

Hi out there

As I was previously undecided about what track to take with this blog, ( and determined to continue because I love to write), I have decided to become a SHAMELESS SELF PROMOTER, like so many others in this world, of my jewelry line Designed In Stone, while helping you become better accessorized and more fashion savvy!

Designed In Stone uses all REAL stones. No plastic please. Each piece is an original, one of a kind design. No copies here.

I am going to try to put up a new design tip or fix a fashion blunder at least once a week. In between my shopping, jewelry making, wine drinking and fashion spying at the local mall.  Unless a see a real fashion faux pas or wardrobe blunder. Then I will run right here and share it with you!

I am going to kick it off with a fashion no no that i really hate. The "naked" neck. Come on ladies...I see so many well dressed women walking around with no jewelery on. Really! Can you believe that. Just the other day, I was watching NBC 5 news here in Chicago and Lee Ann Trotter was talking about something. All I heard was blah blah blah, because I was so flabbergasted that with the gorgeous orange dress she was wearing - she had a NAKED NECK.

With Designed In Stone, (here is the shameless self-promotion) constantly creating original pieces and at really affordable prices, why oh why was this girl not accessorized?

I wanted to give you an example of how a stylish necklace can rally make an outfit, so I asked my friend Chris to come over in a white tee and jeans to help me prove my point.

Pay attention all you naked necks out there.

So happy to be getting a necklace
to wear,  from Designed In Stone
 Whewww

I chose Chris because she is a great example of a woman who knows the value of ACCESSORIES! No matter where she is going or what she's wearing, she is always styled to the nines, (with Designed In Stone pieces of course). She is a master at finishing off every outfit with a great jewelry piece. From where else? You guessed it - D. I. S. She knows that you can elevate any look with the right accessory.

Wow. I really feel relaxed now that I
am so well accessorized.

Take a look at my before and after photos. In the first photo - no jewelry. The white tee and jeans are plain and are rather forgettable. (Why is she looking so happy then you may ask? Well, it was either the case of jewelry or the bottle of wine I opened. You tell me...)

In the next two photos, you can see the difference. See how polished the same white tee and jeans look

with a coordinating necklace like the blue lapis lazuli or the sea sediment jasper. Both necklaces available at my store - www.etsy.com/shop/designedinstone . Thank you Chris for being such a great model for today's fashion tip!

So if you take anything away from this ladies, it is please, please take the time to snap on a great piece of jewelry before you leave the house.
Of course you will look so much better, and BE THE ENVY OF ALL YOUR FRIENDS, if you are wearing an originally designed, REAL stone necklace from Designed In Stone.

Let's try and stamp out naked necks everywhere!

Do You Have A Vagina?...No. Then SHUT UP!

I know it has been awhile, but I was struggling with the direction I wanted to go with this blog. I was also trying really hard to keep politics out of it.  But honestly, with the state of government these days,   I really feel compelled to say something.  To say nothing is really against my nature. Besides, I have found that speaking my mind is really freeing....

Just ask the guy who cut me off at the gas station, or the woman who got up in my grills at the grocery store....

So I hope you hang around, while I get the hang of this and find my direction. It will surely be fun in the meantime.

Anyway, by now you might be asking me what is up with the whole vagina thing. Well here goes...

On June 30th of this year, I happened to have on "Meet the Press". Big mistake. Most of those idiots make me insane. On this particular show, was a certain retired Senator who I found to be arrogant and ridiculous. Jim DeMint (R-SC).

 His comments on women's health and then  how some women wanted the state to force them to have an ultrasound, made me want to jump through the T.V. screen and throttle him, because he is not just talking about any ultra sounds he is talking about  women being subjected to trans-vaginal ultrasounds.   
                                                                                                                                        
Thank God for the voice of reason! MSNBC host Rachel Maddow pointed out that women weren’t given the opportunity to have an ultrasound, they were forced to have a medically unnecessary ultrasound by the state. But of course DeMint assured her that women want that.

Really, he would know that how? Does he have a vagina? Pretty sure not.

So, being a woman, when I look at these two, I think one is more qualified to talk about women's health issues. Hello. I am pretty sure we have a term for forcing something up a women's vagina without her consent,,,,and it doesn't fall under the positive health benefit category. 

Really, how would he like it if he was required to have something forced up his penis and be told it was for his own good and he really wanted it?

How is it, that a bunch of these politicians who don't have a vagina want to tell those who do what is good for them. Really guys...shut up!

And ladies, least I forget to mention this... No matter what your stand on abortion, (and I take NO sides here), when we let Congressman pass bills that give the state or Federal government ANY right over OUR BODIES, we are really taking a step backward.

As an intelligent, upright, breathing female with an IQ over 10, I know that I do not need some politician making decisions over the body that God, (and my parents) gave to me. 


(Alice Paul, who endured harassment, imprisonment, forced feedings, and threats, to give us equal rights, would be rolling over in her grave, to see women today casting her sacrifices aside so carelessly.)
So be careful ladies, once we give away even the smallest control over our bodies and have even one of our choices denied by the state, all on the grounds that the legislature is doing "what is best for us" , what comes next? A Burka? 

Finding Dory......and $96,763.45

Wow, there is really a lot going on these days!

My child support case worker has been working her butt off. As you can tell.  If you are wondering what the $96,763.45 is. It is the amount of unpaid child support  (plus interest) the fabulous lady in my local office got reinstated to my case. Hooray!

I would also like to give a shout out to Illinois Atty General Lisa Madigan for not only taking an interest in my case, but responding with an inquiry to child support enforcement in Illinois, but replying to my letter for help.

Also, this case was reopened NO THANKS to Governor Pat Quinn who can't be bothered to respond to requests from single mothers.
 Obviously we are not high up on HIS priority list.

Advice to others seeking some help in Illinois - write to Lisa Madigan and visit your local office every day(if you can) or at least once a week and oversee EVERYTHING! If you become a big enough pain in the ass they will listen and help if just to stop you from stopping in. Hah.

Now for the collection part of our program......stay tuned.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As for Dory......

When I was going through my cancer treatment in 2011, I had a few constants to help me get through the day - my incredible sons, my business partner & great friend Jackie and ELLEN on TV.

So we are sending her (and Portia) our "What's In A Name" wine charms, as well as our F*CK Cancer necklace and a pack of our "Bunch of Bitches" charms.  We know that ELLEN is a big supporter of breast cancer awareness and the race to find a cure - hence the necklace. As for the "bitches" -have you seen a few of her guests? JK! Really we just think they are fun and she would get a kick out of them.

Besides that, I think ELLEN and I have a few things in common:
     *We are both female.
     * We both have short hair (of course hers is blonde and mine is not)
     * We both have arms and legs (She is a little taller than me though)

     *We both like to dance.
     * I am a single mother and she has a mother.
     * I think we are both good people.
     * ELLEN likes girls (in that way and while I don't) and I  do have female friends.
     *Oh yea, we are both funny, (at least I think I am)

So if you have a minute, please help us give her a shout out, by forwarding a copy of this to her at
http://www.ellentv.com or give her a Tweet at @TheEllenShow.

Have a great 4th!

Deborah E

Wendy Davis - WOW

Sure is a lot going on in the news the last couple of days. Lots of changes being made by the Supreme Court - if you follow that sort of thing.

The Voting Act of 1965 has had parts struck down by the Supreme Court (not sure if that is a good thing) and DOMA no more. I believe that love is love.... and I have friends who do also. Hooray for them!

But how about that Wendy Davis! I didn't even know who she was until yesterday. Then I too hopped on the Wendy Davis bus. She inspired a Twitter campaign for women to "stand with Wendy".

I will "stand" with anyone who  will stand for 11 hours to filibuster a bill that puts limits on a woman's right concerning her own body while wearing pink running shoes. I am a fan of hers because she took on the Texas Senate, made of mostly Republican males and Governor Rick Perry and won. All the while standing on her own two feet. Literally.

I stand with her because she was a single mother who worked her ass off to support herself and her kids while putting herself through college. She graduated at the age of 33 with honors from Harvard Law. You go girl!

I think we should all learn a little more about Ms. Davis. She put her butt on the line for women who don't have a voice. Women who have very little money. Minority women. The undereducated. And all against a group of  Senators who shouted at her and mocked her and tried to undermine her.
How kick ass that she prevailed....and inspired a ginormous following.

How fun that would have been to have been there. All those Senators shouting at each other. All the people in the gallery screaming and shouting and cheering and clapping. Senate security trying to quiet the crowd and maintain order. Didn't their mommas teach them that "hell hath no fury...

It is great to see a woman politician get national coverage for helping others who can't speak for themselves, instead of spouting uneducated nonsense -  (a la Sarah Palin) or for some sort of sex scandal. Even though, even I like a good juicy sex scandal now and then.

And while I don't really like to write about politics - it inspires too many nasty comments and ugly temper tantrums- I do like to write about a strong woman. Really that is all I am doing here. So please don't send me any crazy hateful comments about Republicans, abortion or just being a hater. I have no time for that and I won't publish them.

Let's just give the lady some kudos for having the balls to stand up for what she believes in.

Until next time,
Deborah E

5 Ways to Stay Sane While on Hold

Hi there,

I know it has been awhile, but I have been very busy......watching my life minutes tick away while on hold listening to elevator music that really NO ONE likes, but they play it anyway.  I believe it is a government plot to drive us all insane, therefore there will be no one left to keep an eye on what they are up to.

No really. As you know, I have been dealing with the child support enforcement system here in Illinois. Well they are not big on taking phone calls. They are great for putting you on hold for 20 or 30 minutes only to disconnect you after all that time.  If you are really lucky and persevere you might actually get through.

So I have been coming up with ways to maximize my wait time, after all, I can never get those minutes back. Here are some things that you too can do to keep yourself from going insane while pushing the #1 or #2 button and listening to mind numbing music:

1. Paint your nails. (You should have time for your toes too). After all, it takes a good 20 minutes for two coats of nail polish to dry and if you are trying to get through to an Illinois gov agency, or ComEd, you have about that long before you are even directed to start pushing buttons. Therefore, your nails get  done and you get your electric bill paid on time.

2. Keep in shape. We all say how we never have time to work out. Well, set aside some time to call your cell phone provider or Illinois Department of Employment and you are guaranteed at least 20-25 minutes of quality sit-up or squat time. Just click your phone to speaker, (so you can hear when the automated voice comes on and if you are real lucky a LIVE person) and you get the added benefit of music. So you can use their own music against them...hehehe.

3. It's summer time, so get some sangria recipes! If you are like me, you are probably on the computer while on hold, so make the most of that time. I'll tell you what, Giada has some great ones. I actually found one using peaches- can't wait to try it out.

4. Make and drink your sangria recipe. If you have a bottle of white wine around the house, you are on your way.  A quick way to blend  the flavors of a citrus sangria without the wait, is to cut your sparkling soda in half with a bottle of Mike's Hard Lemonade, or if you are on hold with AT&T, I say screw it and add the whole bottle of Mike's-your gonna need it anyway! And after a glass of that sangria, the person on the phone might actually sound intelligent. (Really, it works for as lemon lime sangria and tastes great! Just make sure you add the sugar)

5. And finally, my last and favorite way to stay sane while on hold is to use all of the phones in my house to dial the same office and put them on speaker. Then when they answer, I let them all talk to each other. It is quite hysterical to listen to them each asking each other for their names and passwords and account numbers and then putting each other on hold. Now they know what we feel like!

Anyway...if you have a good idea, I would love to hear it.

Until next time,
Deborah E

South African Side Dish...are they kidding.

Tomorrow is my wine clubs' monthly meeting. We are drinking South African wines. I was given the task of preparing a South African side dish.

While I like to brag that I am a good cook. I love Mediterranean food. And I love Giada. She makes a great cookbook - easy to read and follow.  Great inspiration. Also, she eats and drinks (alcohol) and can still stay a size 4. SO, I tell myself if she can do it so can I!

But back to the South African thing. I have been looking at recipes. Some seem easy,some complicated. I can make something with a lot of beans, but then I'm thinkin that instead of wine, I should be bringing Tums or Alka-Seltzer. No fun. Don't want to do beans.

Than I found something called Boom Chakalaka. No really. I don't think I can make, much less eat something that sounds like a drunk  man's cheer. So no chakalaka here.

I am still searching for that perfect side dish. Any suggestions would be great.

I do have aline on some sort of salad with cucumbers and zucchinis, and a lot of white vinegar. Not so sure, but it looks manageable....

If all else fails though, I figure I can bring extra wine to make up the difference. I don't think I will have any complaints.

Stay tuned and I will let you all know how it turned out.

I'll have a glass for you,

Deborah E

Child Support NIGHTMARE!

Hi Everyone,

Trying to relax. Having a glass of wine and writing about my day instead of trashing my house, screaming at strangers or driving down to Kentucky to rent a bulldozer to run over my ex!

As I tweeted earlier, I decided to take a filed trip today to find the Child Support Enforcement Offices in Du Page county. !!NEWS FLASH!! Not in Wheaton anymore. They have a small nondescript office in Lombard that is under reconstruction since they moved in 2009.

If I wasn't on a mission, I might never have even gone in. That's how unfinished this place looks. But I did go in. When I was asked about my business by the receptionist and she looked up my case, as we all know, she told me it was closed. In order to get more info, I had to wait for a case manager to return from her lunch.
In all fairness, my son and I had just finished eating Buona Beef ourselves. It was after all 12:25.

When the lady returned and we went in the back to discuss my case, I got the SHOCK of my life!

Apparently in Illinois, any one pretending to be the custodial parent can call and request a case be closed. So in the fall of 2011, when I was at the end of my chemotherapy for breast cancer and starting my radiation treatments, someone was calling up CSE and pretending to be me. How about that.

Apparently the FAKE me requested my case be closed. A form was mailed and "I" (the fake me of course) was given thirty days to reply or the case would automatically be closed.

And while I make these accusations without proof, it would appear my ex had his latest squeeze call Illinois Child Support Enforcement, say she was me and close my case. Therefore absolving him of his financial responsibility and letting him start a business free and clear. I know, I know...I shouldn't point fingers, but really, let's use some common sense here people - WHO ELSE HAD ANYTHING TO GAIN.  Hmmmmm. That closing wiped out his obligation to my sons and I.

While I am blown away by this, the great lady at the Lombard office said she would do some research as to how this happened, because the codes are not correct and the case closer and paper sender did not record their names.  Highly suspicious.  Nor did they get their supposed paper to close my case back either....More suspicious.

Wow. Still reeling. While I take great satisfaction in the great young men I have raised. I get to bask in their  love and adoration, I was just riffed from my job and that bastard has the money to pay me the $75,000.00 or so he owes me.

I have always worked and done the right thing by my kids. You can tell by the honest and hard-working young men they have become, but just maybe if I had lied, sneaked, stole and conned, I might have some money in my pocket right now.

Okay. I am pissed. I admit it. But I really don't regret a minute of my life. Yes things are hard right now, but we will get through it together. We always do.

On a final note- what a scumbag POS. Right?!

Say a prayer and I will keep you posted.

Thanks for listening,
Deborah E.

PS. If you have any suggestions, I would love to hear them. Also, if you have an in with a Chicago politician or reporter - FEEL FREE TO SHARE.

Let The Games Begin...

And so it begins.....

Hi everyone. Thanks for hanging in there. I took a break from writing to spend time with visiting family, see my son graduate high school, celebrate his journey and find my voice.  I would like to thank all of you who shared these things with me.

I also found out that my ex, the man who owes me over $80,000.00 in child support is not only working, but owns his own company. How about that.

So, while I was struggling with bills...he was working.

While I was in treatment for breast  cancer in 2011 and struggling to pay the bills...he had money.

While trying to figure out a way to send my children to college...he had an income.

All of this the great state of Illinois, seemed to have missed!

So, while trying to figure out what I could blog about that would be interesting, and might help someone out, this great piece of information just sort of fell in my lap. And while I know it would be easier to catch a Texas wild boar while hopping on a pogo stick and being chased by a pack of hyenas, (think Lion King), I am still going to attempt to get the Illinois Child Support Enforcement Agency to do their job and enforce my support orders.

I also thought,  what fun it would be to take all of you along with me. After all, don't all politicians and government agencies crave FREE PUBLICITY.

I say, LET'S GIVE THEM SOME!

I have already started my journey, by calling not one, but 64 phone numbers listed on Google for the  Human Family Services Department in Illinois to ask them where to start. No answer or many disconnections.  What! I thought they were supposed to be there to help.  Not so much. In all fairness, I did finally get an answer from the office in Cairo, Illinois. Go CAIRO! They suggested I call the Illinois DIvision of Child Support Enforcement in Springfield.

Which kept me on hold for 29.37 minutes, until their offices closed.

I also wrote to Governor  Pat Quinn's office asking them for help and a place to start. We are eagerly awaiting his response?.

You can follow my progress, not only here, but on my Twitter feed also. I will be shouting out to all of Illinois politicians and government agencies who are on my path.
Twitter name is DeborahEm3.

I am also interested in any suggestions, (legal only please), tips or stories you might have to share about the Illinois Child Support System. Their IS an election coming up, and we are voters, so let's make some noise and (hopefully) get some money.

(Thanks to MJ for stating me on the path :)

Until next time,

Deborah E

Saying Goodbye......?

 As I was sitting in my last class of the day, with only 6 more minutes to go, I looked around at the students. Really looked.

I realized that I WILL miss being in a classroom. Classrooms have been a part of my life since 2007.  English class. Social studies class (love), L.A. class, (not so much), Consumer Science and Sciences classes (two of my favorites). It seems funny to not be planning on going back.

I wonder, will I miss these particular students? Probably not. I will however miss the atmosphere of learning.  I will miss spending my days trying to make an impact, even a small one, on a young mind. I love the idea of learning. Of seeking knowledge just for the sake of the knowledge. I love ferreting out facts and bits of information.

I am a bit idealistic. I have come to realize that my expectations of educating students falls short of the reality.  Have I changed in the past seven years, or have the kids? Not really sure.

It seems to me, that as the years have passed,  the level of respect from said students has shifted downward. Of course it could be my imagination. Has respecting an adult become passe. Is it old fashioned and a thing of the past, or am I sensitive. (Those who know me would not say it is the sensitivity thing).

While I am deciding what path to take next, I ponder the one I just stepped off of. I know I will miss the   joy I felt coming to work. I really like school. I loved the teachers I worked with, enjoyed time after hours spent with these people who have become cherished friends, the smell of books, the atmosphere of new beginnings, creative ideas and believing that anything is possible.

Of course I won't miss the sass, the way some middle school kids can be so mean to their peers, the fact that some feel free to mock, mumble and disparage the adults trying to educate them, and their utter disregard for the education process in general. While that is not all, it seems that as the years pass, the numbers grow.

While deciding what to do from here. I often ask myself, (and others), is this level of disdain from students everywhere, or just at this building?  Can I continue to cope with obnoxious attitude and not lose my mind? But most of all, I ask ..."What happened". When did teachers become the bad guys and learning new ideas, working hard for acknowledgment, and setting high expectations become such an outdated ideal?  Or is it just me?

I am not sure.

For now though, I will take this time to clear my brain and take a break from the kids. Maybe that is all I  need.  Get rid of the cobwebs. Start fresh at a  new school where disrespecting adults is not tolerated, the kids are expected to bring a pencil to class, do their homework, pass their classes through hard work and studying and respect the staff and fellow students.

If you know of such a place.....let me know. I can travel....even to Fantasyland.

Until later,
Deborah E.

It's Decoration Day

Happy Memorial day Weekend!

Out at the park enjoying the official kick-off to summer.

I am of course wearing jeans, long sleeves and a hoodie. It seems that every year the weather before the Memorial Day weekend is warm, sometimes even downright hot, but as the weekend approaches, so does the rain. Oh well. Enjoy it anyway.

We are listening to the live music and smoky smells of Westmont's, Red, White and Blue BBQ competition, (To be televised this year). Enjoying the day made possible by the sacrifices of so many men and women.

In case you didn't know this, Memorial Day started out as  Decoration Day. It originated after the Civil War to commemorate the soldiers who died. Eventually it became a time to honor all of those men and women who died while in the military service.

So, I wanted to take a minute to wish you all a great weekend and to salute the sacrifices of our men and women in the Armed Forces. And to tell their families "Thank you and God Bless".   I have a friend who lost a son in the service and I salute her and her family's sacrifices and all of the military and their families.

God Bless and Happy Memorial Day Weekend Everyone!

Deborah E.

If I Have A Voice... Should I Use It

As I have mentioned before, I used to work at a local school district - actually I have about 6 days left. I was recently RIFfed, along with 7 other paraprofessionals to help balance (?) the school's budget. ( we really don't make all that much. That is probably why custodial staff and lunchroom workers are also on the chopping block list).

Anyway, I realized the other day, while in the shower ( I seem to come up with some of my most creative ideas there), that while removing my from my post, the school board inadvertently gave a voice to the teachers in that school.

There have been a number of what I would call questionable decisions by the administration, and agreed to by the school board (some of whom are on their way out - btw).

I am wondering if I speak out  will I come off as someone spitting our sour grapes or a Norma Rae- like whistle blower. I would prefer the Norma Rae comparison, of course.

So, now that I have been given a voice...should I use it. I have read that "The pen is mightier than the sword" and in this case it could be.
Or what I say could be misconstrued as the rantings of a disillusioned and unhappy ex-worker.

I feel like I could help bring about change and be a voice for those that have none. Not just my fellow educators, but some under represented groups of students also.

I am not sure. Still pondering, but really curious about what you think.  Should I keep my peace and move on or speak of what bothers me?

Would like to know what you would do...

Until next time,

Deborah E.

Oh What A Night..

Last night was our kickoff wine tasting event.  While it went off very nicely, it was also a little bittersweet for me.....

As I looked around the table at the fantastic women that were there, and thought about the ones that were not, (or were texting us furiously),  I am very grateful. I am lucky to have gotten to know them and call them my friends. I realize how blessed I am no matter where life may take me.

And while I am excited about the future, I am also saddened by the thought of not seeing these ladies every day....

Every day has started with the sunny personality of EH. A great way to start the day! Our morning start off ritual is so ingrained and natural, I can't even think about not doing it after this year. I will surely miss that.

Lunch with MJ will surely be missed also. Her insightful insights and witty commentary add a great break to the day.

These are great women, great teachers and great friends who have helped me through one of the greatest challenges of my life - breast cancer. Without their compassion, generosity of both heart and spirit and endless support, I am not sure if I could have navigated that time in my life with such effortless looking grace. (It was only effortless because I had all of you supporting me..But shhh, let that be our secret).

And JM, there is no way I could have done any of it without YOU!

I want to say how much it meant to me what JR and NP and the 6th grade team did for me that year. Those are cherished memories and an incredible act of kindness.

So, as I wrap this up, I just want to say "Thank you" to this group for treating me as an equal, sharing your lives with me and allowing me to share mine with you.

Though I won't be seeing you everyday, at least we will keep in touch because of our love of wine..
I look forward to more  great discussions, food, laughter and of course,  the fierceness of SK, (You go girl!)

Just another reason to thank God for the invention of wine.

Oh...and my Martha Stewart recipe was a great success!!

Talk to you soon,

Deborah E.

Wine Tasting Anyone...

Hooray!!

Tomorrow night I am hosting the kickoff of a new monthly wine tasting group! What is a wine tasting group you might ask, (besides the obvious. of course)

For us it is a group of friends getting together under the guise of higher education, to learn a little something about wine. Really... we are.

How it works is like this: We will each pick a month and a country out of a hat, or ice bucket..etc., then get together and bring food and wine from the monthly hostess's region.

This is a great way to learn what wines pair with certain types of food. YOu also learn what wines are your favorites - with or without food. (This comes in handy in case you want to cut back on calories by skipping the food altogether).

Tomorrow we are starting with Germany. If you decide to incorporate this educational experiece into your life, the kickoff hostess gets to pick her country. We will of course toss Germany back in the hat. If your wondering why, you have never had a great German wine....or maybe there is just something wrong with you.

So I am off to Aldi, (yes, I do shop at Aldi, after all sauerkraut is sauerkraut) and Trafer Joe's. I need to pick some things that are on my Martha Stewart recipe. (I am no Martha, but I try). I also have a list of wine possibilites. I think I have tried all of the German wines at TJ's, but a girl can hope.

I will let you know how it all turns out!

Just remember, this activity is a great way to learn about wine, drink wine, spend time with friends, eat, drink wine and laugh. If anyone questions your devotion to your group, please state the obvious - This is an educational experience and you are the kind of girl who is all about expanding your intelligence and furthering your education.

Talk to you soon,

Deborah E.

This Is MY Blog and I Don't Care If You Like it

 I spent a lot of time agonizing on how to start off. I just decided to let you get to know me a bit and share some insights and ideas.

I love to write and always wanted to write a book, but I can't seem to sit still long enough. I am finally realizing where my son gets his ADHD from. I always used to blame his father  for it, but if I claim this one, I realize I still have a lot to blame his father for, so everything kinda balances out.

 See, how I digress. Anyway, I have a lot to say. Some you may want to hear about and some you may not.  That's okay - you don't have to read it all,but you might miss out on some juicy gossip, great parenting tip, recipe or a common cause if you don't.

 I am going to use this forum as a way to share my insights, shopping tips, views on life, some parenting ideas I have found helpful, (even if they are a little off beat and just this side of legal) and my take on the public education system (I have worked in it for the last 7 years) - all from a single parent's perspective. So be prepared.

  I am not your typical stay at home soccer mom, after all, what single parent is?  I do swear sometimes - of course only when angry, annoyed or watching a football game. And I even enjoy it! Also, I like a good glass, (or bottle) of wine as much as the next girl. After all, ALL things are better with wine.

 If you don't believe in the wine theory try this - keep an open bottle of your favorite wine in the fridge. When it is time to pay the bills, pour your self a glass. Cable bill - 1 sip. Internet provider - another sip. Com Ed - well that bill is a least a two sipper and so on. By the time you are done with both the bills and the wine, your dwindling checkbook won't affect you that much. You might even start looking forward to bill paying time.

I have a unique way of looking at life and am trying to approach everything as a new adventure. That works out well with some things, but try yelling "wheeeee this ride is really fun" as you push a cart at the grocery store.  You realize that not everyone shares your sense of adventure or zest for life.

So I hope you stick with me and have some fun. This is intended to be a fun forum to share some tips, and views and laughs. Hateful comments will not be tolerated here. If that bothers you - start your own blog and leave this on alone.

Well, it is time to go for now. Talk to you soon,

Deborah E.